“Ballin’ like Jabari Parker, they say I look like him…”
Life is literally what you make it. You can either grab it by the balls, literally, or it can choke you. Life can either be the sum of your efforts or it can be a mass of all the moments in your life where that black sheathed, death-like despair engulfed you like fog.
If we took all of those moments in our life, confronted them, dealt with our struggles day by day, what could our lives be? I mean, in reality the possibilities are endless. Instead of looking at others with a sense of hate and contempt, why not of inspiration?
Looking at others’ lives through green hazed eyes was becoming the death of me. Facebook, Instagram, twitter, and random blurbs from random lives will have one thinking the grass is much greener. I still seethe a little every time I see another graduate, house, car, happily married couple, or just another black girl my age making it. But I bury it, I erase it.
Hating on my sister does not equate to gains for me.
All I do is wallow in self-pity and think of every terrible decision that I’ve made in life; trying to understand what could have led to my current place in life, at this very moment?
But honestly, how could we ever know? There are infinite possibilities. Parallel universes and multiple planes of realities all existing at once.
We have the power to design our own lives. Maybe destiny or fate do exist, or maybe they don’t.
Maybe God does exist and, he’s planned our lives out step by step, so we don’t get to choose. Or maybe he or she doesn’t.
What if we thought in numbers, shapes, dots and lines, geometric patterns, nature and love? Pure energy instead of this feudal structure we call civilization, culture.
Even now, as always, as I sit on the bus headed to my minimum wage job, I am making steps and plans for my future. I could be upset about the five dollars in my pocket and often times, I am upset because things aren’t happening fast enough. However, each day, I see little promises, little glimmers of hope that show me something. That one of the many goals I put my mind to my come to fruition.
Even if the wheels are only grinding, a slow steady beginning, the object will move eventually. And an object in motion, stays in motion. This how life works. It is a barrel roll forward. There is no stopping, there is only more future.
If I try and fail, at least I tried. If I try, maybe at least I’ll live moderately. But to literally grind, unhappily for the rest of my life? Working for another? I can’t do it. It’s bad for the joints. Even still, we all decide when it is time to stop sulking on the sidelines and chase our dreams.
I am hunting mine down with a fervor.
The Essence of Freedom 