The Essence of Freedom

I have had little motivation to pick up the pen recently. Writing seems more like a chore rather than a necessity.  It is a determination of my success versus being a process of healing.  This isn’t the fault of the writing. I have plenty of topics.  I have had plenty to think about, see, and experience in order to write.  The reality is that there are circumstances that have caused me a seasonal depression. There are 9 types of depression, and while it would be nice to be professionally diagnosed, I feel what I feel, and I know what I know.  I could never say that I haven’t experienced this feeling before, but this time is different.  The things and reasons why I am depressed are all self-inflicted.

I have found myself practicing more methods for comfort, exploring faith and spirituality, and various methods of self-coping.  Things that were once hobbies and social are now coping mechanisms. Everyone finds their own way to self-medicate.  Writing is and will always be my release.  I have even found a way to write something in spite of the way I have felt recently yet, it is the first time I have written extensively in months.  Like, fighting sleep to write.

It can be difficult to create when fighting depression, stress, or dealing with real life.  It may mean a lack of motivation or inspiration.  The greatest gift of the trial is the breakthrough. It is in or perhaps even before this breakthrough that one can find the desire to create.  Sometimes the darkest situations can inspire something within us.  Perhaps you feel that you can write, paint, sing or dance out your frustration, your lack of inspiration.  You can birth inspiration where there is none. If you feel like the creative process is halted, and you have nothing to produce, here are some things that have been helping me create in spite of.

1. Just do it anyway! The likelihood of waking up one day and everything just being A-OK is very unlikely.  You are only hindering yourself and your growth in the creative process if you wait for happiness, or a muse to magically appear.  Eventually, you will either get so frustrated, tired and stressed, that creating may be your only way out.
2. Create whatever you feel at the moment. I recently wrote a piece about my depression.  I had a serious mini-meltdown on a train ride home recently, and I found the strength to describe my depression.  This was the first step in getting back to writing.  If you want to paint something dark and somber do it! Create choreography that is full of grief and sorrow.  Don’t let the frustrations hold you back, use them as a catalyst.
3. Once you get the wheel turning, keep going! Don’t stop. Continue to fuel that energy and use it as your motivation. Since I started writing again, I haven’t been able to stop. I got out of my own way and ended my writer’s block.  I’m sure it won’t be the same for everyone and it won’t be easy.  It took me months to start writing again, and it was only after a motivating conversation with a friend.  Find your thing that is going to push you a little bit day by day to create! It’s not easy work but the journey to the breakthrough may produce some of the most rewarding work you’ve ever created.

I hope that more of us will talk about our depression, stress, and frustration.  I hope that we find people who will help push us through to our breakthrough or if you feel that you are strong enough to deal with it yourself, find your source of solace.  I enjoy spending time alone, in libraries, museums, or with some of my favorite things, books.  Find your favorite things, spend some time with them.  Spend some time with your spiritual self. Restore yourself, and create again.